wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
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