I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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