dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
