u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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