Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
