Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
