return my video game
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
