woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
