i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
