I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
