Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
