Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
