I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
