Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
