I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
