I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
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