you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
