I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
