Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
