Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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