i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
