He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
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