so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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