I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
