At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Actions speak louder than pants.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
