I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
