Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I look better un-naked...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
