There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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