i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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