She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
