if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Michael Bay diarrhea
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
