i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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