Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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