I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
