If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
