Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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