You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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