omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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