He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
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