Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
