If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
