watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
