I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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