This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
This is my gift to your gina
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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