cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
