You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Can Purell be used as lube?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
