He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
