I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
