matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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