I'm sorry my penis didn't work
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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