i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
