I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
