Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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