Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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