It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
be right there i have to get my cape
I need to sanitize my soul.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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