Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
